No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
