Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
