whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
