The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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