No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
