Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
