By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
