UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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