Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize