So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
