A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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