I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
