I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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