end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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