Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
