Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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