Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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