I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
