I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
