he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
