now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i already hear my dad disowning me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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