I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him āfuck meā eyes during a lecture a few times.
Disclaimer- Donāt worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
