no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize