Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love having hate sex.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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