Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
