i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
FUCK WHALES
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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