Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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