Welp...herpes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
