just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am naked and annoyed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
