She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
