Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how can u be prego again
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
