i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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