Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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