You're my little dorito
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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