Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
