I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize