If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found your dick twin last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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