a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
