they need to just BURY HIM!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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