My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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