An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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