Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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