I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
