you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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