Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
