That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
