I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
