i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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