Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
