By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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