Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
