no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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