Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
