Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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