what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
