By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
