Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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