I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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