i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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