is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
