Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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