did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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