I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
