my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
