...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i dont even know how to be here
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
there is glitter all over my balls
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
