I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
