Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize