hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
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