i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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