if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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