My first STD was from a foam party
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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