absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
