how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
