i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
