we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
