I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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