Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
