you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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