I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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