sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
