i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
