I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
