Betty ford says i'm here all night
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i think i just lost a toe
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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