i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
