You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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