shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize