I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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