great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
