If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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