My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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