Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
