I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
