I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
