the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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