Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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