They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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