Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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