I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
