i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
