I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
