47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
