I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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