ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
