I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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