Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
