bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
