At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
