I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
pop tarts are not kleenex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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