it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
