I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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