My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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