I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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