Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think i have two assholes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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