Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
