Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
