I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize