i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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