you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
