So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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